Missing you, Ken...

Dan's parents flew in Saturday morning, March 12th. Dan and Corey picked them up at the airport, while I took Ashlyn to a birthday party. Claire and I met them for lunch at Rock Bottom (which, now I'm writing this, seems pretty fitting!) Here's the amazing part... We hugged, we laughed and enjoyed being together. This is not unusual, but considering that Dan's brother had just passed away the day before, it was a welcome surprise.

Dan's parents are amazing. They have been through more than anyone deserves and have not lost their hope or faith. It breaks my heart that they're going through the loss of another son.

After lunch, we had planned to drive up to Loveland and meet with Sky, but it didn't work for her until Sunday, so we went home. I am SO grateful for our church! We had a visit from our Bishop that night, several calls and a plate of cookies from our sweet Relief Society president and we had friends from church bring dinner for 3 nights. I am pleased to say that Dan's parents felt the same type of love and concern from church friends, neighbors and coworkers when they returned to Arizona a few days later. It makes a world of difference to feel the love and prayers of those around you.

Sunday, we went to church and experienced a little miracle. Linda had mentioned the day before that she loves the song "Be Still My Soul" and that song had comforted her. Sacrament meeting was wonderful, and the closing song was... "Be Still My Soul!" We left church and drove directly to the funeral home to meet with Sky. Allen described it as another miracle when all 4 kids sat still and quiet while we made arrangements with the funeral director. Sky brought her sweet daughter Aurora...

Monday, we had a private family viewing at the funeral home. Here's the thing about viewings... I really think they help. My mind was having trouble processing the fact that Ken was gone and that we never got to say goodbye. Seeing a body seems to help us process that our loved one's spirit is no longer here. We are blessed to know a little about where Ken's spirit is now and we have faith in the promise that we'll see him again after this life.

Viewings are also very difficult. It broke my heart to see Dan just break down and cry over his older brother. I feel like I can usually cheer him up and make things better, but all I can do in this situation is cry with him and love him. I am so sad too! Ken was such a huge part of our lives for the past 2 years and I miss him terribly.

After the viewing, we went to dinner at Rock Bottom again, but this time in Loveland. Christa and Bruce came with us and it was really good to get to spend some time together.

It's amazing to have the love of my sweet kids. They just seem to brighten the mood!

My in-laws went home the next morning. I am grateful for how peaceful we all felt, despite the circumstance. It was so good to have Allen & Linda here and for all Dan's family here to be together. We are all still concerned about Sky. I adore Sky and feel like she and her girls are a part of this family, no matter what.

That Saturday, we attended a small casual celebration in honor of Ken at Sky's. We took some of our favorite pictures of Ken...

Christa sent me this quote that I feel perfectly explains how I'm feeling...

"What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why he left this earth so soon, or why he left before you were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, you will begin to remember not just that he passed, but that he lived. And that his life gave you memories too beautiful to forget." 

Missing you, Ken...

March "MADNESS," a devastating loss...

Well, this March may well go down as a month I want to forget. Claire and I were sick for almost 3 weeks at the end of February. Claire got better and I was still struggling. I had one day where I just couldn't take it anymore and I dragged myself to the Little Clinic at the grocery store because my throat and ears hurt so much. The nurse said I had strep, sinus and double ear infections! I got on some antibiotics and started to feel better within a few days.

Friday, March 11th was honestly the first day in 3 weeks that I felt a little better, so I was heading to the Denver Zoo with Claire when I got a phone call from my father-in-law. I could tell he was upset and he proceeded to tell me that my brother-in-law Ken had died that morning. I think I asked Allen to repeat himself, because I just couldn't even process what he'd just told me. I pulled off of the freeway and asked a few questions. It just didn't make sense! I had texted with Ken and talked with him just 3 days before and we had plans to do to dinner and a talent show Fantasia was competing in the very next night. What in the world happened?!? I just couldn't believe it. Allen needed to get ahold of Dan to tell him, so I told Allen I'd turn around and head up to Ken and Sky's house right away. Then, it all came flooding in... Ken was gone! I just lost it and sobbed all over my steering wheel. Poor Claire asked why I was crying and how do you tell a 3 year old that her Uncle Ken just died? This was the first of many time today when I would be so grateful for Claire... I told her that we couldn't go to the Zoo because we needed to drive up to Ken & Sky's and she replied, "Okay Mommy. Don't cry. It's okay."

I texted Dan then got back on the freeway. Dan called me a few minutes later. Writing this now, a week and a half later, my stomach begins to hurt all over again. Crying with Dan on the phone that morning was just heartbreaking. I wished we were together and we both had a long drive until we would be. On my drive, my thoughts and concerns were for Sky and her 2 girls that had called Ken "Daddy K" for the past 2 1/2 years. I was also trying to make sense of why Dan's family had been through so much loss and devastation. Dan's oldest brother Donn had died in April of 1999 at the age of 29, we lost our first baby Chase in May of 1999 and both of Dan's grandparents also died that year. Now, losing Ken at age 44 seemed like too much...

I arrived in Loveland around 11 AM and Dan had been there for about 20 minutes already. The crime scene investigator and police were there as were several of Sky's friends and neighbors. We sat down with Sky and Fantasia and heard what had happened. I had a good talk with Tasia and told her how brave she had been and how much Ken loved her. She left with a friend, who would watch her for a day or two. Sky was absolutely devastated. Dan & I listened to her, hugged her and cried with her on their front porch. Everyone else had gone and we just sat and talked about how much we'll miss Ken. Talk wandered to funeral arrangements, financial obligations and what's next... All the things you never, ever want to plan for someone you love. I love that Sky said she loved Ken, even with all his issues. She was so good for him! I am so very glad they had each other!

The whole day just felt like a bad dream. Dan, Claire and I sat with Sky and tried to think of what we could do to help. I'll never forget how loving and sweet Claire was with all of us that day. She kept hugging Sky and stroking her face and hair. She was so patient and seemed to somehow understand both our need to cry and our need for hugs. Dan went to get some lunch for the 4 of us and I went to the grocery store with Claire to get Sky some groceries. When I was checking out, the clerk cheerfully asked, "How's your day, sweetie?" and I just tried to hold it together long enough to get outside with the groceries, so I could cry in the car.

I have some amazing brothers-in-law but Ken was my favorite. He would just call me out of the blue to catch up and check on our family. I'd get texts from him that would say, "Thinking about you guys. What's up?" He was genuine, warm and always fun to talk to. He had been doing so well the past few years and meeting Sky and being a Dad to her girls had seemed to give him such purpose. Dan and I had such high hopes for him! Looking back now, we feel that moving to Colorado when we did and repairing our relationship with him and making great memories was WHY WERE ARE HERE. I am so grateful for the holidays, birthdays, camping trips and time we spent with Ken and his family!

I started making a file of pictures of Ken to share with family. At first, I could barely look at pictures without breaking down. As the file on my computer is filling up with evidence of all the fun times with Ken, I am filled with such gratitude that we are here, that Ken lived and that he was such a huge part of our lives...

Birthday Boy: Dan!

 Dan's birthday was this week, and in keeping with tradition, we tried to make it last for a few days:)  When Dan & I were engaged, he came with my family on a trip to San Diego. I think we told the waiter at every restaurant we went to for several days that it was Dan's birthday, so for a few years, my Mom would say Dan's birthday was March 19th-25th! Ashlyn made him a cake {from scratch!} the day before his birthday...

 On Dan's birthday, the kids and I took him some balloons at work, since the kids are off for Spring Break. That night, I took Dan to our favorite restaurant, Village Tavern. We talked about our plans for this summer, which on a cold day, seems so far away! It was nice to get out together and celebrate!

Ashlyn: School Funding Debate

Ashlyn was one of 2 kids from her class to participate in a debate at Thornton High School on March 14th. The topics had to do with their school district's upcoming budget cuts. Ashlyn was assigned to argue for keeping Competitive sports in Middle School and the other topic was the possibility of increasing school class sizes. There was a reporter from the local paper and several members of the school board there to listen. It was fun to hear things from the 5th graders' point-of-view! Ashlyn feels strongly that schools should keep sports, so I was {secretly} thankful she didn't have to argue against sports! Ashlyn did well and seemed pretty calm on stage. The debate was judged by the high school Debate team and Ashlyn's team lost on a vote of 4-3. Unfortunately, a few days later, the school district announced that they are cutting all sports in middle schools! I am scared for our schools and hope our kids won't suffer due to lack of school funding!

National Team Mom of the Week?!?

So, If you've read my blog even occasionally, you've probably heard me comment on being a team Mom for my kids' sports teams. Dan can't resist coaching, so I've become the Team Mom, often by default. Thankfully, I really enjoy it! Being involved in sports has allowed us to make new friends in all the new places we've lived and I want my kids to be active and learn to be a part of a team. Even so, I'm usually exhausted by the end of each season and I occasionally complain about sports taking over our lives. My hard drive is full of pictures of other people's kids because I can't resist taking pictures when no one else brings a camera to the games! I am working on deleting on the pictures that aren't of my offspring:)  

I was shocked to be selected as the National Team Mom of the Week for WePlay last week! A huge thanks to the parents that nominated me! WePlay is the greatest site out there for sports teams. It allows you to post game schedules, reminders, upload pictures and even give props to kids you want to congratulate. Here's the article, if you'd like to read it. This week, I'm going for Mom-who-catches-up-on-laundry! Wish me luck!

Crazy Hair Day: 2011

Oh, how we've missed Crazy Hair Day at school!  It's been 2 years since we've had the chance to use some colored hair spray and an empty water bottle... But never fear, today we got our crazy on:) 

Bedroom makeovers...

It was long-overdue, but last week we finally got Corey a new bed. I should say that getting Claire out of her crib is long overdue. She's 3 1/2 and we had just been leaving the crib rail down so she could get in and out of bed. Corey is getting so tall that his IKEA bunk bed with a slide, though pretty cool, was looking a bit small for him. So, we found a new bed that Corey can have for a long time and we gave Claire Corey's bunk bed. Both kids are happy with their new beds and I had fun picking out new bedding. Now I'm scheming to think of some new decor for their walls...

What a chore!

I don't know about your families, but our family has tried so many different job charts, I've lost count. I always expect my kids to help and work, but it seemed like we were really needing a system that would last.

Before Christmas, Dan & I bought the kids some job charts that have really improved things around our house. Ashlyn & Corey have actually been somewhat excited about doing chores, which is a big deal! They get a little allowance for the chores they do each week so they can save up for things they really want and so they can pay tithing. They have jobs such as emptying and filling the dishwasher, making their beds and setting and clearing the table. Even Claire helps out!

Ashlyn and Corey are saving up to buy a trampoline and I get help with the often mundane chores around the house. It's a win-win situation:)

Ashlyn update...

I can't believe I hadn't blogged here for almost 3 months. Besides being busy, my iMac's hard drive was nearly full and it was slower than cold tar! I spent weeks going through and deleting pictures (mostly of other people's kids from sports) and now we're back in business! I really, really prefer to blog in real time, when everything is fresh in my memory, but I'll do my best to do a quick re-cap for each of my kids...

Before Christmas, we had Ashlyn's Christmas Choir concert. Ashlyn's school teacher was the pianist and Ashlyn had a quick duet she had tried out for and was excited about. I still don't know where she gets the nerve!

In January, Ashlyn participated in the school Spelling Bee and took 6th place. I think I held my breath through the whole thing! She missed the word "unchangeable" and when she spelled it, I thought, "Whew, she got it right!" I didn't even realize she'd misspelled it (who knew there was an "e" in the middle?) until the announcer said "Incorrect." I was so proud of her and even slightly glad we wouldn't have to keep practicing spelling words for the next level of competition:) 

At the end of February both Ashlyn and Corey had their final basketball games of the season. Dan coached Ashlyn's team, "The Green Hornets" and Corey was on an undefeated team that ended up being a lot of fun for him. Ashlyn's team got along well and had a good time together. I've decided that this age group (10-12) is so interesting. They started the season so quiet and shy and by the end, they were joking around and teasing each other. The variance in height and maturity at this age is so apparent. Ironically, our shortest girl was also the oldest on the team! 

I really admire Dan as a coach. He puts in so much effort and tries to make it fun as well. Basketball is his favorite sport, so I'm glad he gets to share that with Ashlyn:)

(Below): In January Rachel, Kaylee and Ashlyn sang a trio in church, accompanied by Ashlyn's piano and voice teacher, Cindy. They sang "When All Is Said and Done" and it brought tears to my eyes every time they sang it together. The words are so true and these sweet girls helped those listening to feel the spirit so strongly that day.

This week, Ashlyn finished up her big project for Music. She had to create a stringed instrument with a neck, bridge, strings and sound hole and then play a recognizable song on it. I took her to Lowe's to try to brainstorm and WOW... I felt overwhelmed. This was right when Dan was swamped at work and was getting home at Midnight for days in a row. I'm pretty comfortable with a power drill, but creating an instrument that would actually play a tune was harder than I thought! After scrapping our original idea that involved a metal Bundt cake pan, (DON'T laugh!!!) Dan saved the day! He and Ashlyn found a paper maché box at Hobby Lobby and together, they created this cute little guitar/ violin hybrid. Whew!

Corey update

Corey just finished playing basketball recently. He ended up on a team with a friend from his school class, 3 great coaches and some great boys. The coaches were all Brothers-in-Law and it was fun to get to know some new people. He had practice on Friday nights, then another 20 minute practice Saturday morning, with a 30 minute game that followed. It was a nice way to squeeze in 2 practices, but it didn't take up 2 whole nights. Corey enjoyed the season and his team ended up undefeated! 

(Below): This cracked me up and I even got a picture... This is at Corey's basketball practice. It was the first time he's played "shirts vs. skins" and he yells across the court, "Mom, look!  I'm not wearing a shirt!" The other parents and I had a good laugh over that!

Corey's had a lot of big events over the past 3 months. He turned 8, got baptized and started Boy Scouts. For all of this, it seemed like a very big birthday for my boy. We had a birthday party with his friends, then had family party the next day on his birthday. Corey's such a kind and sweet kid, which I love. This week, I was impressed that he came home from school worried about one of his friends. He looked up his friend's number and called him to see why he seemed sad at school. I love his open-hearted innocence and concern for others.  

(Above): Corey loved opening presents from his grandparents on his birthday. I think Claire was a little excited too!

(Above): Corey with his ceremonial face paint for his Bobcat advancement in Boy Scouts.