I can hardly believe I'm writing this, but we are moving to Colorado! This has been such a difficult decision for our family because we LOVE Arizona and viewed this as a more permanent move. We've been here 3 years this month, which is the longest we've stayed in one place since Ashlyn was born almost 9 years ago.
I am just having the hardest time getting excited about going! We've prayed about this and do feel it's the best option for our family and I did feel at peace. The next morning, all I could do was cry. All the details came flooding in.....how much I would miss my friends, Dan's family, our ward and our home, how much work I had to do to get us moved again, that we'd be starting over...again. I went to the grocery store later that day and I just lost it in the cereal isle. I sat down in the middle of the isle and just bawled. I got a few strange looks and one lady asked if I was okay. I could just mumble, "I just found out we're moving and I'm going to miss it here." I'm sure she thought I was nuts!
It's hard to know what to say when friends ask how I feel about this move. While I want to cry and scream, my kids are watching me and pick up on my attitude, so I'm trying to be on my best behavior:-) The truth is I am angry. I'm angry that we have to leave a place I love so much, a place where I could envision us living forever. I'm angry that we'll have to rent our home that I adore and that we'll be renting in Colorado until we figure out what to do. I'm angry that my kids will have to be the new kids at a new school again. Ashlyn's 8 years old and this will be the 6th city in the 5th state that she's lived in! I hope they'll forgive us for moving them around so much, especially because I moved around so much when I was their age!
When Dan left with Corey & his Dad for the Father & Sons' campout on Friday he kissed me goodbye and whispered, "Just stop fighting it and this will all be easier." I know he's right and I know that I should feel so blessed that he'd got a great new job in this sad, sad economy. So many people have said to me, "Oh, you're in for a great adventure" or "maybe the people in Colorado need you," but my heart just aches to stay put with friends here so we'll someday be the kind of friends that go "way back."
We had our first moving company estimate on Friday and my head is just spinning when I think of how much there is to do. We're heading to Colorado this week to find a place to live and we're going to list our AZ home for rent. School is out for the kids next week and the heat is here with a vengeance. I told Dan last night that "my home is wherever you are" and I meant it. We have come to love everywhere we've lived...Salt Lake City, UT, Las Vegas, NV, Torrance and Castaic, CA and now Gilbert, AZ. Our circle of friends just keeps getting bigger and we're experiencing life in different states with different people. Now, I need to stop blogging and start packing...
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